I Don't, Do You?

I've wanted to write this for a long time but I've just had things to do and it's quite important to me so I wanted time to get it right. Well, now I've got that time, let's see if I can manage it.

Firstly, let me just explain that I'm against marriage. Mostly because of arbitrary reasons, either because I feel that it's pointless (1 in 3 marriages end in divorce, it's no longer a serious commitment) and secondly, because I don't feel I need someone to officiate over my relationship (whether it's the Church or the State I don't really feel I require their validation to enjoy my life).

However, this post is my more concrete thoughts on marriage, what it is, where it's come from, and hopefully, why you shouldn't be enamoured with it either.

Firstly, I'm going to explain how it is the least feminist institution going, derived entirely of patriarchal oppression and male dominance, and I'm going to do it without even mentioning that marriage was originally a ceremony to signal the transfer of a woman's ownership from father to husband (oops).

No, I'm going to steer clear of the marriage particulars, and instead look at how marriage came to be in the first place. I mean, I assume that at one stage we were just savages, not far derived from apes in terms of sociability and cultural customs. Therefore, let's turn to biology for a few answers.

Primate reproduction 101
If there's one thing that endless hours of David Attenborough and Steve Irwin (not so much) teach you, it's that only the best get laid. It's practically the founding block of evolution. It's also a biological fact that, due to a primate's lengthy gestation period and relatively instantaneous refraction time, one male could impregnate all females in a given society at any one time.

So, if the females are so choosy, and the men are so promiscuous, what do the non-elite males do? Let's say, for argument's sake, that there is a population of 100 males and 100 females (I could draw a diagram, depends on how bored I get later).

Those 100 females each choose one of the top 5 most gorgeous, handsome, strong, reproductively attractive males to have relations with. And the males, being males, don't say no. Therefore, 100% of the females get some action, while only 5% of the males get busy too.

This leaves 95% of the males with nothing to do but hit the gym, get disgruntled, and play football (that's what sexual frustration does to a man). Eventually, tired of this arrangement where they don't get any, and sick of watching the exhausted elites strut about with their smugly satisfied faces, this 95% decide enough's enough. They decide that the arduous task of impregnating the females should be split equally and, being the larger part of the stronger sex, they get their way.

Yes, it's unnatural, yes, it's 'might is right', yes, it's inherently male oppression, but hey, that's monogamy. And to ensure the continuation of this system, they introduced the institution of marriage, binding one woman to one man for their natural life.

"But!", I hear you cry, "this is surely a fairer system, I can't see how you can claim it's disadvantaging anyone."

Well, no, culturally and socially it's impeccable. It is now so much an ingrained aspect of our society that the idea of polygamy is abhorrent.

But biologically, it is the product of male force (that disgruntled 95%) removing the ability of women to choose their favourite male to mate with, ie. the epitome of male-female oppression.

And that is why feminism and marriage cannot be reconciled.

Theory of Patriarchy – Chapter 1

I’ll delve into the history books later on for a thorough look at why the world is so male dominant – this post is concerning itself with why some men are so anti-women, or, for want of a better word, misogynist.

It’s all to do with desire and need. Boys mature seeing these lovely creatures growing up alongside them, they desire them. They instinctively desire them, especially the most attractive ones, but they are taught by their mothers to respect them all. Therefore they are chivalrous, courteous, helpful and polite. All guys start out like this, sweet and naive. They hold girls their equals.

But then those girls, the ones that are being chased, recognise their own attractiveness. And the trouble begins...

Automatically the man is at a disadvantage. He is the chaser, ergo she has the power. She knows she is the commodity, and therefore the chaser automatically becomes devalued – as they say ‘you want what you can’t have’, when it’s yours it loses some appeal.

They realise the potency of their looks/ charm, and they begin to exploit it. Not consciously at first, they just enjoy the attention. They beautify themselves, they expose more and more skin, they do everything in their power to increase their erotic capital. They enjoy the attention, even more so than they realise, to the extent that they will lead guys on who they aren’t attracted to in the slightest, just to keep up a steady flow. As Samuel Coleridge said, ‘A man’s desire is for the woman, but a woman’s desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man’. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t blame them. The feeling of being valued and chased is a hell of a lot better than the savagery of fruitless desire.

And so the girl enjoys leading the guy on.

Until he realises she’s not actually interested in him, just dicking him about.

And this goes on with successive girls.

And he becomes more and more bitter and disillusioned.

And no longer the sweet, chivalrous, naïve guy he was.

Until one day, he ends up formulating a theory of misogyny and writing something like this.

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Hmmm, that was a bit intense. And I suppose an entirely personal experience. As Remy De Gourmont pointed out, ‘Most men who rail at women are railing at one woman only’. He may be correct but in my case it’s a good seven or eight…

EDIT - found this link the other day, very well-written, mostly accurate and entirely hilarious. Number's one and two are particularly poignant, I believe.

5 ways modern men are trained to hate women.